Sporting Hooligans
Why Americans don't have hooligans, and how to fix the problem.

By Wayne R.

"I protest unto you that it may rather be called a frendly kind of fyghte than a play or recreation - a bloody and muthering practice than a fellowly sport or pastime. For dooth not everyone lye in waight for his adversarie, seeking to overthrowe him and picke him on his nose, though it be uppon hard stones? In ditch or dale, in valley or hill, or whatever place it be hee careth not so he have him down. And he that can serve the most of this fashion, he is counted the only felow, and who but he?"

Phillip Stubbs. The Anatomy of Abuses 1583

It all started with football in the early Medieval age. Back then the goal of the game was still fundamentally the same as it is today: get the inflated pig skin to the other side's goal. The difference was in the details: the teams were everybody in the first village versus everybody in the second village. The playing field was the countryside between the spires of the two village churches. The game could take weeks and involved nothing short of full-scale battles. Everyone joined in, and it was an acceptable opportunity to settle scores, feel manly and invigorated, and most importantly, be part of the village, unifying and beating down an outside force.

In 1833 the Football Association agreed on the basic rules, and all but eleven of the team had to sit on the sidelines. This ritualization of the violence allowed the game to continue into modern society, but it didn't stop young men having scores to settle, nor the need to feel manly by hitting someone. And shouting from the sidelines wasn't enough for everyone. By 1898, the London police were referring to hooligans, though whether this was a reference to toughs from Hooley Street or due to a certain Irishman named Patrick Hooligan is lost to time.

Things got really out of hand in the 1960s with 52 pitch invasions per season - and English fans started to draw international attention when they stormed over the rest of Europe after matches. Other countries tried it too, but none compared to the English for fight organization and win-loss record.

Today, there are specific laws against inciting football riots and known hooligans are banned from matches for life, even being forced to hand in their passports before international matches are scheduled.

But the fundamental reasons for hooliganism are the same whether it's 1120 or 2005. It may be human nature or it may not, but most people want to be part of something greater than themselves, and some young men want to fight. So people support sports teams, and some young men find other young men who want to fight, identify an excuse to fight, locate a good place and go for it.

"If there's gonna be a fight, I ain't the last one gets hurt." Richard Prior

So why don't US fans join their European counterparts? Is American football so boring that it's impossible to get worked up, are Americans more civilized, or is it the guns, stupid?

A main factor is in Europe football is a working class game, which includes the kind of guys who like fighting. Whereas in the US -- where NFL tickets cost an average of $54 -- fans are from the middle classes, the kind of guys who don't like fighting. And it's a fact that American football is kinda boring. Always stopping and starting. So scientific with the line up changes, the TV reviews of penalties and the like. No passion.

Hooliganism in England is okay, because the worst you'll face is getting beaten up, and if it's at a football match you know exactly what you signed up for. In the US, the attitude is different. Guns make everything different, same as if someone in 1190 brought a war horse and lanced the boys pushing and fighting to get the pig skin across the line.

There are rules to hooliganism

In the UK, the lads get together, get drunk at the pub, go to the football, shout abuse at the rival fans, the match ends. 99% of the fans retire to the pub to talk through the ref's dubious calls and the hardcore fighters go and fight the other side's hardcore fighters. These hardcore want to fight, and they may as well fight each other in a semi recognized venue.

There isn't really any fundamental difference between the activity on the field and off: one side is competing against the other side for no real reason other than to feel that feeling of victory over your enemy.

The key is the limited scope of hooliganism. They don't attack innocent bystanders - only the hardcore from the other side. If you're not wearing rival colours, you'll probably be okay and can just watch the show. It's still ritualized violence, and some people need that escape.

So what should we do here?

We need to lower the price of tickets for professional sports to allow poor people to start supporting local teams. We need to encourage Americans to put down their guns and fight man-to-man in the parking lot. We need to establish times, dates, and scope for fighting so people can get it off their chests, have the opportunity to feel the thrill of combat same as our ancestors did.

They can be part of a bigger thing and they can participate in violence- most will be content with the contest on the pitch, and those who want a bit more violence and a little less ritual can go into the parking lot later. But it's still less violence than street gangs where people get all upset on a personal level and start shooting.

America needs you

America needs hooligans. There's no venue for anger in the country, it's not okay to get into fights, so it boils and boils until either bar brawls break out where people least expect it, or someone gets shot. A place where you semi-expect something, where there are lots of others around to make sure it doesn't get deadly, a semblance of rules. Let them knock themselves out.

And it's not just to help uninsured individuals who can't afford therapists to work on their anger issues. US security forces have no experience with non-lethal crowd control. An opportunity to regularly work on local Americans rioting without major weaponry would be perfect practice for dealing with angry but unarmed mobs across the rest of the world. The police would learn that not every law has to be obeyed, and that a little bit of lawlessness keeps a society alive. And finally, Americans would learn its okay not to be the winner every time, that sometimes you win and sometimes you lose, and that's ok because there's always next week.

See you after the match.